I proceeded to meet a Lithuanian, a German, a French, a Scott and an American. It was nothing short of enlightening as we talked about the things we had seen on the island and the things we wanted to see… A little before 9pm rolled around and I got up to say goodbye to everyone and make my way towards the theater. As I walked out the door, I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check where exactly this “National Theater” was. Turns out, I was only a mere 2 blocks away, like most everything downtown. I walked in and everyone was formally dressed to the t and looking amazing. The men were all in hip collared shirts, many in fashionable glasses and the women were done up well, but not overly so. I stood close to the door, waiting to be let in so I could get a good spot. I picked a seat on the second row back, dead in the center of the theater.

The woman, Anna, that I met earlier to photograph was sitting down in the center of the stage with an ornate dress on in silence while people filled the theater. There was a large circular piece of knit material that lay before her, attached to her dress, while an ominous projection of a moving mountainscape rolled in the background. It set a tone of visual ambiguity. There certainly were questions arising in my mind as to what this might mean. The doors shut, the crowd silenced and the music started. Underneath the large piece of knit, were bumps. Arising form these bumps were people. They picked up the fabric as Anna rose in the center of the stage to create one of the most beautiful dance performances I had ever seen live. The piece played out with both passion and heart. It was obvious that they had worked hard on their craft and cared so much about what it meant…

dream |drēm| noun
a series of thoughts, images, and sensations desiring to be realized by the human spirit : I dream about finding myself humbled before the world in hopes of spreading compassion and joy.

Don’t exactly know what it is about these last few weeks, but they have changed me and I know that what the future holds will only continue to further alter my ego and id. This journey is about photography, and it’s about seeing new places, but at it’s heart, it’s about finding a new me, it’s about letting go… And maybe getting out of my head. Haha. And not taking things so seriously. And loving life. And laughing at myself.

I started packing yesterday after many hours of preparation throughout the week. It was a grueling week and my show at Space nearly caused me to have my first ever panic attack with all the considerations in addition to international travel just around the corner. Yesterday, I rolled out of Denver on my way to my grandparent’s in Golden to put away the rest of my things in storage and pick what I would be living with for the next 3 or more months. This is where things got to be difficult. I said to myself… Keep it light. Don’t take the world with you when you’re traveling through the world, but how guilty am I for bringing two big checked pieces of luggage, a man purse and a rolling camera bag on the larger side. The problem is, one that probably most American’s face, is that I’m attached to stuff. And yes, I needed my camera, and my batteries, and memories cards, and laptop, and clothing… but then I brought a parted bike to piece together when I get there, and a backpack and probably more clothes than I need, and… Well, you get the cliche.

Now I’m tied to my worldly possessions and I have to create coping skills to manage the fact I have no where safe, thus far, to put them. I can cross my fingers to meet some local people that will oblige my taste for complex logistics, but for right now, I’m just attached.

On the other side of my self criticism and criticism of American consumer culture, while I’m traveling around, I will most likely be able to handle many situations in regards to work. I plan on bartering for as many things as I can with my camera skills and also trying to generate cash along the way. As much as this is a means to strip my soul and be vulnerable to beauty, it as also a test for what I’m capable of. I look forward to finding out what works and what doesn’t, what I can make happen for myself and how all this plays out.

This is an adventure in many senses… Let’s hope that I can go as far as I see myself going. I guess at this point it’s all a matter of faith/letting go.

-R

This evening, at Space Gallery, was by far the most bitter sweet moment of my life. My going away party evoked emotions I didn’t even know existed. So… Here I am, my psyche was laid waste much earlier in the day… My feelings running rampant at the moment… And I have a great deal of anxiety for the future.

I know it will be worth it, it just doesn’t feel like it in this moment.

I spent a fraction of the time that I wished to spend with everyone who came. I can’t say enough good things about the people who made this event what it was, and I can’t say enough good things about the people who made my life up until now worth it. I saw many of those people tonight.

When I booked my ticket to Iceland… I was upset with Denver. I had lived here my whole life and I needed change. The latter statement is still true, but the former… Well, I just don’t see how I could remain mad. Denver in the last month or two has shown me a side of itself I’ve never seen before. Maybe I’m just ready to see it. Maybe she wanted to leave kind memories within me before I left. In either case, tonight was hard because now I’m leaving.

The show tonight at Space contained all the work from when I was 15 till my most recent work. It was the most beautiful display of my work I may ever know. Not that my work won’t evolve, but that what the entire body represented was struggle, passion and in the end, grace.

What else is there to say other than there’s nothing left to do but let go and let the universe sweep me up into the cosmos.

-R

At the moment, I’m preparing for my going away party. As I meet with friends to grab various things for this evening, they all see my anxious nature and remind me to breathe… Which I have been very poor at in recent days. I’m trying to find myself in the moment when there are so many things to be done… But one thing can be said, I have amazing friends, amazing institutions, and a wonderful support group in my life that I will sadly be leaving behind on my journey to Iceland and beyond… I won’t be gone forever, I’ll come back to visit, but it feels just as I’m leaving, I’m catching my stride with Denver and all the wonderful people within it.

If you are coming to tonight’s going away party, then you were apart of what made this place so great for me, you are apart of the appreciation I hold for Denver.

Being in the process of departing, wondering what’s going to come next, trying to realize the dreams in my head, I look forward to the variable future I have absolutely set for myself. I believe that it is one of the most important things to the human experience, especially in this day and age of information, air travel and a world that grows ever smaller, that we expand our minds, spirits and souls in a way that will serve us and our children.

That is what I aim to do with my journey. I want to find something a little closer to enlightenment, have meaningful experiences and grow within other people and off all by myself.

If I may reiterate: thank you for being apart of my life…

-R